So I took my first pill yesterday afternoon around 6pm. I went to bed at 9 turn the tv off by 930 and layed in my bed tossing and turning until almost 5 am. Im not sure if it was from the pills the paxil and calcium pills or what. But today ive been really gittery and just dont feel like i can keep my legs, feet still at all! gah i hope this doesnt stay like this. Cody me and Connor are going to San Diego this weekend to get away and to see Codys friend Jarrod and his lil family. Its about 3 hours away. We really need this. We havent had a getaway for just us in a long time. Cody is finally off WTI and should go back to normal work next week working nights.

Well I went to the dr today. and he asked me a lot of questions and wrote down some notes. Told me that it looks like i have postpartum depression. like i had thought. explained to me what is going on with my body and that sometimes it just needs help regulating so he gave me a prescription for paxil and two other medicines that are suppos eto help me sleep and my headaches. he told me to keep a journel also and to see him again in two weeks.. so we will see.

So I'm in a mood to write. I've noticed since I became pregnant that I have had some real emotional issues, not just your normal pregnancy mood swings. I've dealth with depression before in my life. Mainly back in 2004/2005 for a length of time due to a relationship and other issues at home. Ive never talked to a doctor about it. I guess mainly because I was assamed, or thought maybe I could over come it myself. When I was pregnant I was very sad and angry, I cried a lot, didnt want much to do with anyone really. I was very snappy at people and felt like I was going to explode. I thought maybe it was just because my husband and I were appart and felt alone. He was away at school for his mos and I was back home with my family. I started only working part time cuz of some issues early on in my pregnancy. and it seemed like all i wanted to do was nothing but sleep. When we moved out to Arizona, when I was 8 months pregnant it seemed like ALL I did every day/night was cry. I felt unwanted and unattractive, which i know is normal in pregnancy to feel unattractive but I felt lil connection between my husband and I. After my son was born I felt more like myself again only to slowly go back to feeling down all the time. I get upset over things that normally wouldnt bother me. I hate that I dont have any family around us. and we hardly have any friends other than ones on the internet. Ive tried to make friends but my husband doesnt seem to care to. My problem cause more problems between my husband and I were I dont want to be intimate ever. I want to connect on another level be4 we are on that level. I feel like Ive change SOO much since being a mother. And on the most part I think its better. I feel that Im not as fun as I once was. I think we need other interaction with people and bc we dont it causes stress on our relationship. Im just looking to see if I can get help for my problems and maybe that would take away stress from my marriage. My marriage is strong and Its nothing to put at stake I just want to better it. Im planning to see this doctor this week if I can get in and FINALLY talk to someone about my depression. Hope to get some help!

Black Bean Soup

Ingredients:1 pound dry black beans
1 1/2 quart water
1 carrot, chopped
1 stalk celery, chopped
1 large red onion, chopped
2 green bell peppers, chopped
2 jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced
1 can (28 ounce size) Rotel
2 tablespoons chilli powder
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic
1 tablespoon salt
1/2 cup uncooked white rice

Directions:
In a large pot over medium-high heat, place the beans in three times their volume of water. Bring to a boil, and let boil 10 minutes. Cover, remove from heat and let stand 1 hour. Drain, and rinse. In a slow cooker, combine soaked beans and 1 1/2 quarts fresh water. Cover, and cook for 3 hours on High. Stir in carrot, celery, onion, garlic, bell peppers, jalapeno pepper, and tomatoes. Season with chilli powder, oregano, black pepper, , and salt. Cook on Low for 2 to 3 hours. Stir the rice into the slow cooker in the last 20 minutes of cooking. Puree about half of the soup with a blender or food processor, then pour back into the pot before serving.
This recipe from CDKitchen for Black Bean Soup serves/makes 8

I Started one of these blogs not too long ago but couldn't remember my info for it. So I thought I would start a new one and allow family that doesn't read myspace/facebook to know how we are doing!
Connor is growing like a weed! He is 9 months now 21lbs and 31 1/2 inches tall! He has been sick lately with a cold it seems like. So he has actually been fussy, which he never really is normally. He is full of life and loves to smile and laugh! I can't believe he will be a year old on June 30th! He hasnt mastered crawling yet, he prefers to roll to get where need be.

Cody is doing good, working a lot but is good. He has been on WTI which is like war trainging for pilots. He of course is working on the aviation electronics not flying. When this is over, in May he should go back to regular schedule; working on nights. We liked it that way so far. He got more time with Connor during the day then just coming home to eat dinner then go to bed. He deploys later this year, in August/September timeframe, to Japan. Not sure how long his deployment will be.

As for me, I have a lot going on. I think anyways. I have been wanting to go to college since I graduated high school but since at the time I was unable to get financial aid, I couldn't go. Now that I AM able to recieve financial aid I'm going to take advantage of it. I get a pell grant, which thankfully I dont have to pay back. I am going to go to school for business. As of right now I am looking at getting my associates in applied science degree. Im going to take some more photography classes as electives. I am going to start in the fall of 2009. Im really excited to be doing something for me! I have to take my cont.ed classes for my cosmetology license and renew that by July. Which I am also getting my license transfered for Arizona.
I decided to start my orthodontic journey in September 2008. My pallet expander went on in October, top braces on in November, and bottom braces on in December. My expected time is a year and a half. A lot has changed and Im really looking forward to my new smile! But that journey is a whole different blog. Which i have yet to start. I will soon though!